To a 5 year new, from Mamma !!

When i want to give you a name, i could pour my heart in Kuku !! Sweety, Sweetheart all those words seem incomplete !!

Today is your 5th birthday, and when i told:  you are 5 years old now !! You objected and said  :: I am not old, i am new  🙂 Completely agree !! That’s why your freshness is blossoming our lives !!

You have been suffering from cough and cold, and i wasn’t in a mood to send You school, but Your excitement, distributing cake in classroom, made me getting You ready and i dropped You to school hardheartedly !! I am still worried !!

While i was driving back to home, whole documentary was played in my mind, how those 5 years were for me, it was above every thing i have done in my life till now, but most of all i started crying, when i thought of Your purest of pure love. You don’t know meaning of complaining, cakes and chocolates apart !!

While people started undervaluing me, you made me realize my importance, hugged me and gave me your warmth. Every moment i feel, as i am the only one ” well deserved to be lived”, when you start searching me, if i am disappeared even for a while. You need my belly as cushion, while we go to bed and your skin to skin contact keeps away my all worries, it gives reflex to my heart to beat !!

I found my self as best cook, when you ate all, what i kept in your lunch box, and complimented me, mamma ! You cook best food !

I cherish, when you get glued with me, every where i go, even in washroom, and if i ask you, not to follow me, else you will be tired, you reply “I am your daughter, so where ever you will go, i will come with you” .. If i raise my pitch, you ask “Then whose daughter am i, are you not my mamma?” And if i scold you “No daughter for you” !! I need nothing to listen, your voice pours melody, enough for my life !

I have “you”, to show every one in this world, you are my master piece and i am proud of, you came from me!! I made you !! I was so blessed, that your pious soul, had chosen my bomb, to prove it’s existence, and you had faith in my all ways, i could handle you with care!! But for you, i have nothing, apart from my words !! May be they aren’t valued, but you are taking each as command !!

You know your mom is very poor, when it comes to express !! May be sometimes, you will find my words wrong, my gestures hard and attitude rude, but never take it wrong. All i want your happiness, at any cost !!

Yes, i promised to protect you, since first day, i got my pregnancy test positive. I failed, when i didn’t took out that lady’s tongue, out of her mouth, You were of 1 month and she was suggesting me to apply Garnier skin lightening cream, for your complexion. Hell with that Bast**** !! I said nothing, and still i repent, and i will keep on repenting !!

Then and now, i would not not let any one, coming in between you and your dignity !! I want to be grown as happiest girl, leaving all societal remarks of complexion, height, weight, attitude, clothing, girl/boy, etc. etc. far behind.

People say, you can’t change people, society. I am not leaving you to make it alone. It takes two to make a row, So i am always there, whenever, wherever you need me !!

You may find me wrong, when you fall down and cry, and i never come to console you. But Believe me, see you crying is, worst in my life to see you as !! Take yourself as warrior !! I want to see you that sensible, you need no one !!


With love,

Mamma !! ❤ ❤

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मैं खोज रही हूँ खुद को, आज भी,
अखंड ब्रह्माण्ड और अनंत शून्य के मध्य,
एक छोटे से उपग्रह की भांति,
अनेकानेक आकाशगंगाओं के मध्य,
उलझी, झूलती, परिक्रमा करती,
चेष्टा जो की है, नापने की,
इस असीम अंधकार को!
जा खड़ी हुई , सामने , कितने धधकते गोलों के !
कितना हौसला और ? कितनी और सांसें?
सब न्यूनतम सी प्रतीत होती हैं,
असिमितताओं के मध्य !
मैं संभल रही हूँ खुद को,
कि बनाए रखूं असतित्व खुद का !
गिरती जा रही हूँ पीड़ा लिए , उल्का पिंड की भांति !
घिर चुकी हूँ मानसिक अंतर्द्वंद्व में !
हिम्मत खो रही हूँ मैं, समय की पुनरावृत्ति के संग !
टूट गया है, एक तंतु, जो बंधा था मुझ में अभी !!




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Soch “सोच”

बड़ी हो रही थी मैं तब,
पर बचपन जैसे कब्ज़ा जमाये बैठा था , मेरे दिमाग पर, 
अल्हड़ थी, टोकते थे सब मुझे,
कब समझेगी, कैसे संभलेगी ?
जिंदगी किन किन गलियारों से निकालकर,
कभी कोने में सुबकाकर, कभी रास्तों पर भटकाकर,
मुझे पाठ पढ़ा रही थी !
जिम्मेदारियां अच्छी थी,
बोझ भी थी कुछ, पर वो भी उठा लिया !!
बड़ी तारीफें हो रही थी चारों तरफ, मेरी,
अचानक इतनी समझदार कैसे हो गई मैं ?
पर अचानक हुए इस चमत्कार मैं, कुछ खो दिया था मैंने,
मैं मुस्कुराती बस मुस्कुराती !! शांत हो गई थी मैं !!
बोलने की जगह लिखने ने ले ली !!
अब मैं बेबाक अनवरत लिखती जाती,
और लिख कर फेक देती वो कागज, हवा में उड़ने !!
मुझे पता था कोई तबज्जो नहीं देगा उसे,
डरती नहीं थी कि कोई पढ़ लेगा मुझे !!
बच्चे भी खुश होते,
देखकर, मेरी उड़ान भरती सोच के टुकड़े !!
कुछ कागज रह गए थे मेरे पास, बेच दिया था रद्दी में उन्हें,
और आज बाजार में दंग थी मैं, देख कर,
उसी सोच पर कोई चाट खा रहा था !!


मैं कौन थी, परवाह की हकदार !! खैर !!



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ऐसा क्यूँ ?

कभी भूख से बुरा हाल है !
बस लगता है कुछ खाने मिले और मैं टूट पढू!
प्यास से गला भी सूख रहा है,
पर खाना देखते ही प्यास को नकार दिया !
निवाला लिया और सीधा मुँह में
सूखे गले से निवाला नीचे उतरता नहीं !! अटका और पीड़ा दे गया !!
सारा दिन खांसी हूँ मैं आज,
सो, बस, उगल दिया मैंने !!
अब तुम ये मत पूछो ऐसा क्यूँ ?


अनसुनी सी , या यूँ कहें कहना नहीं आता मुझे


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KAVITA “”कविता””

कुछ कहते क्यों नहीं किसी से,
न बात करते हो ,
खोये से, कुछ उखड़े से, 
अधूरे से लगते हो मुझे, मेरे बिना,
पता है, पागल कहते हैं लोग तुम्हें, 
उन्हें क्या कहूं , मन फंसा सा है तुम्हारा , मुझ में,
गुनते बुनते रहते हो मुझे , हर वक्त,
कुछ ने तो कहा नशा करते हो,
मुझ से रहा न गया, और मैंने कड़क कर कह दिया,
मेरे नशे में चूर हो तुम, 
तुम लिखते भी तो हो मुझे, हर रोज, अकेले बैठे, 
एकांत में, कि बस मैं फूट पढूं,
ढहा दूँ वो सब, जिसने बांधा हुआ है, तुम्हारी सोच को , 
और तुम महसूस करो मेरा स्पंदन, जब बह रही हूँ मैं, कलम में,
तुम अंकित कर देते हो मुझे, पन्नों पर,
खुश होते हो मुझे सदृश्य कर, 
छूते हो मुझे बार बार, रो पड़ते हो मुझे पढ़ कर,
मैं भी टटोलती हूँ भीतर से तुम्हें,
रूह से निकलती हूँ मैं, तुम्हारी,
मैं हूँ सिर्फ तुम्हारी




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When so much is happening in life!!

Life was going on it’s rhyme. And that change was pre-planned !! We had to shift home and we were eagerly waiting for it.

That process of purchase, took long time, more than we estimated !! In between i could hardly control my spirit, which was pushing me towards renovation of home, we were recently in !! I kept dominating my thoughts. I couldn’t be happy complaining , its taking so much time, when the day will come and we will shift things to new place !!

Finally with god’s grace, that day came. i just went two decade back, in terms of life,when my parents used to plan, for constructing the house. Though i had not to take that complete pain, but even a bit of it, was shaking me!! I was worried, tensed, tired !! This was even more painful as i was struggling physically and mentally !! Even after having my dream come true, still was in complaining mode!!

When day flipped, completing all my evening task and serving food, all were set to bed, even me but something was pinching me. What?? Still?? Yes !! I went on balcony, kept watching tiny creatures fluttering over street light. Thought about my life, how my days were supposed to be lived and how am i loosing its charm !!

i left complaints,

If i wasn’t well – i consulted doctor.

If i was weak – I concentrated on my diet.

If mind was occupied with unwanted thoughts and people – I made it neutral anyways, even arguing or showing power !! leaving negative thoughts and people behind!! But ultimately I made it at peace !!

If i was worried – I discussed.

If things were mismanaged – I made a work plan.

If couldn’t carry the burden- I seek help from every possible person.

Things are almost settled now !! Today is the first day when i arranged all necessities and sat down to write. Yes !! Today i have brought it on track !!


claiming desired happiness !!

Much love

Deepti !!

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Sharing ear phone with someone!!

Its bed time, but she is waiting for her papa to come!! Because she doesn’t want to sleep !! Not allowing me to do my work even, so i turned on ghazals and started listening “Baat niklegi to fir door talak jayegi by jagjit singh”!! Dim light in room, giving perfect ambiance to relish music !! Mamma i want to sleep in your lap, she said !! i dragged her in my lap !!

Mamma please share your ear phone with me !! I smiled and gave her one ear bud !! My Dholak is listening ghazal with me.. After ages i am sharing my ear phone with someone, remembering, while used to share it with siblings!!

I looked her moon face and she pretended as, understanding everything, every word of song !! While i started humming she also started singing to impress me “Main hun jiyan, me hu bada takatwar, mera gala hai sabse surila !!”


Life with you is awesome my sweetheart !!

Waiting for day when you will be a grown up girl. Once again i will live this moment, sharing your innocence with you !!

Love you !!

Your mamma !!

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“पूछा था न तुमने, सुनो फिर

हाँ, जाग जाती हूँ , मैं भी कभी, आधी रात, यूँ ही
बरबस, ताकती झाँकती
आते जाते, उड़ते से बादल
चाँदनी से घिरा चाँद
बिखरते दिखते, मुठ्ठी भर तारे, मेरे जीवन से
मैं कोशिश करती सहेजने समेटने की,
भर लेती आँखों मे उन्हें, सपनों सा
आते जाते छू कर चली जाती, सरसराती हवा
महसूस होता है स्पंदन, ह्रदय में, मेरे भी
पर समय, आज अभी , मेरी कल्पनाओं से परे
तभी तो, खड़ी रहती हूँ, अड़ोल
देखती रहती पतंगे को, छटपटाते, मर जाते, मन सा
यूँ ही कितनी रातें, पर मैं वही अडिग, स्थिर 
मेरे जीवन का रौब बड़ा है मुझ पर
कहता है में सिर्फ़ उसकी हूँ! “



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Indian wedding : What is like to be a Father and Daughter

It is my father who taught me to value myself. He made me realize that I am uncommonly beautiful and most precious thing in his life.


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Neemrana fort : Sightseeing

People around delhi/ NCR, if planning for a short weekend trip, definitely include option of NEEMRANA fort. It is an ancient historical town in Alwar district of Rajasthan, India, situated at around 122 km from Delhi.

This time we also planned last extended weekend with friends, trip to Neemrana. Let me share the experience, if it could help someone !!

Hotels around : Though you can get ample of options for hotels and resorts in Alwar or NH8 highway. But if you are not concerned for budget, it is advisable to stay in Neemrana palace only. As you can feel that heritage and enjoy the surroundings of hills with beautiful scenery.

As ours was a group budgeted trip so, we stayed at DAYS HOTEL, situated at RIICO Industrial Area, Shajahanpur. Rooms were in range of 2500-3000 rs per night with breakfast meal option. Neemrana fort is 7 km from here. But hotel was worth staying. Rooms were very neat and clean. Breakfast served was very good with so many dishes. Though ACs were not working in lobby area but it was manageable. “They must be saving enviornment.” 🙂

If you are wishing to book room there, book online. you can get huge discount through travel planning sites, also if you are having your own vehicle, it would be very comfortable. Public transport is a problem there.


NEEMRANA FORT :  It is advisable to reach there in morning only, as you need to take entry pass, which costs around 1900-2000 rs per person. It includes lunch.

But nothing so special inside to see, until you are not staying in palace. I don’t think paying 2k per person that is for lunch is worth.

BAWADI :  When you search it online, you would find beautiful pictures. Not very far from fort. But actually the place is been ruined. It was stinking badly inside. But if you are fond of photography, you will find scenic view surrounded with hills. Peaceful place to sit.

What fun we could have there finding some local people with goats and Golgappa thela (Panipuri vala).


Silisherh Lake :  Fantastic place which made our trip meaningful. Beautiful lake surrounded with hills. Entry ticket is 50 rs per person which included welcome soft drink at  silisherh lake palace. Though it was too hot when we reached, but for nature loving people it is a paradise.

Enjoy boat and scooter ride, rafting, scuba diving. You can also find alligators and crocodiles in and around lake. When we reached, scooter ride wasn’t available and scuba diving is not feasible, as base of lake is mud not sand, so reaching at bottom, water becomes hue. nothing is visible then.


Garbhaji  waterfall :  it is 7 km ahead from shiliserh lake. But if you want to enjoy the waterfall, need to climb around 65 stairs, not advisable go there alone. In summers, water is less in fall, and you can see snakes too inside. There is a small shop at base, which sells prasad. It’s kadi kachori is USP. Stones, hills, langoors and monkies are beautiful. Place worth visiting.


More attractions are Bala Quila, Sariska tiger reserve, moosi maharani ki chhatri.

But we couldn’t cover all places as it was overnight trip. Dhabas on NH8 were awesome. Sitting there, taking view of Aravali hills and having tea was mind blowing.









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