What is it like to be an Indian father?

Though mothers take all credit from giving birth to pampering a kid, But here father plays a lead role silently, and sometime couldn’t even get nominated for award!!. Being a father is itself a glory, As a man you must have undergone with

  • When your wife conceived, it gave you a feeling of being complete !!
  • You felt most responsible, what you were never before, when you first hold your baby in hands.
  • Then you started planning to achieve dreams, to provide best out of best facilities to your kid.
  • When your husband – wife relation reached to next extent, enriched with more of emotions.

When i recall my childhood :

  • I was most pampered creature for my father !!
  • No single day was left, when he took me for a ride outside, when he didn’t play with me.
  • Most of my wardrobe was filled with clothes of his choice and tummy with every single bite fed by him.
  • He was one, who always used to put a black tika with kajal on my head, while going out (Only thing he was superstitious about ), as i was the only beauty in the world, for him.
  • And now, when i am a mother, I need to talk to my father at least twice a day. While i am considered most mature girl in family, but still become angry with him, when he couldn’t pick my phone, for what so ever reason and i fight with him.

    And what is like to be an INDIAN FATHER?

  • FAITH : A father always have faith in his upbringing, so firmly believes in, decisions taken by kids. His persuasion turns all wrong into right !!

  • It’s about breaking rules : When i went to pursue post graduation in a metro city and he came to drop me to Hostel. Knowing about the city, he was little insecure about my safety. He knew my boy friend (as i was supposed to keep no secret), whom he screened strictly. Coming from a background, where girls don’t go to school even, suggested me to go for a “Live in”
  • Sometimes you become ROWDY : Belonging to a place where wearing western clothes was a sin. Girl used to have a long Que of boys teasing her, if dressed with western clothes.

    Me : Oh thank you papa !! New jeans and goggle !! But i would not wear this !!

    papa : Why??

    Me : You don’t know those third class boys !!

    papa : You wear and go !! I am coming after you and will see who follows you?

  • Having coziest heart in hardest shellWe are staying in a hotel for last 10 days and today morning went for breakfast, as usual. My 4 year’s daughter doesn’t seem happy with serving and started wasting food. Father is getting angry and teaching her, not to waste food !! When she repeated smashing hands, he asked waiter to take the plate away and asked me not to feed anything to make her realize the value of food !!

    He left for office and i didn’t mind, not giving her food !! As soon he reached office, not more than 15 min. I got a phone call stating : Hey, she must be hungry.Ask waiter to make something of her choice and do let me know when prepared. I will come to feed her.

    More i write, more i feel like to write and i will keep on writing !!

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Deepti !!

https://www.quora.com/profile/Deepti-Chaubey-4

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Is it fine for parents to scold their children over small things?

Every thing is fine, when in control and balanced, keeping fact in mind, every one has set different parameters and boundaries for that.
We as per human tendency, start ignoring or overhear things, not sweet enough for our ears. So when kids also get those sour lectures and face our anger very often, start ignoring parents.
Meanwhile, we could loose that communication bridge also, what is intensely required for the relationship.
Definitely kids sometimes become so notorious, but as parent we need to check, it should not harm them. I totally agree that before water goes beyond your nose, you need to stop them, may it be with anger. But being parent is more than everything, having patience.
Scolding your kid over small things may be right but not a wise act, else you need to make them understand, try to put your view in front of them, so further they can also analyse things, as this relation is going to be this way for ever. And kids will remain kids for parents irrespective of their age. At every step you will have to understand them, and handle this relation with love and care !!

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Deepti !!

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My 14-year-old son watches dirty videos on YouTube. What should I do?

Son And of 14 years, this is the age when puberty starts hitting or almost hit. After birth first milestone we achieve when our kid completes 5 years, because till this time most of his/ her routines including living, food and lifestyle, are developed. By this age we assume our kid has got basic training for being self dependent. They can have food by their own or express their choice in terms of clothes, friends, games, interests or so on!!
Next milestone we need to achieve is handling their puberty phase. And if you have found him with some undesired activity I think :
*COMMUNICATION :  It is key factor, in all walks of life. Most of the time, when we see some unexpected happening, anger comes as first reflex. But when it comes to Parenting, you need to prepare a basic ground, communicating to your kids, so that they can share their thoughts and put their view in front of you rather being afraid of your anger.
* PATIENCE : You must admit that any bad habit is result of “Somewhere, somehow” parents were not attentive and when they came to know, it was little late. But any habit takes time to been modulate. when it became habit, it was not single day process, so you cant expect amendment in a day ”
*MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND: If you and your kid are prepared to talk on all matters, then you should let him know about the repercussions, how is it going to affect them physically and mentally. As whatever he is doing, seems right to him, and that’s why he is doing so. Help him getting rid, as you will have to work with double intensity, what those things are attracting him with.
* CO-CURRICULAR : Try to divert his mind in some sport or creative activities. Spend time with him more often. As you are parent, so even if you need to suffer at your personal part, is justified for your kid’s future !!
* TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE : Apart all those thing, so many soft wares are available online or in market, by which you can determine, which all sites your kid can access. Always check The history, once your kid is off to internet, and if found off the track, again talk to him.
*AFTER ALL YOU ARE PARENT : Some times we leave our kids, thinking that we should not interrupt their privacy. But being parent, you need to know every thing about your kid, weather told or not. So sometimes if needed, nothing is wrong, poking in their diaries or checking internet history. And it nowhere says, we are not respecting their age or privacy.
* LOVE : It is a thing, which can make someone, overcome any situation. Explain your kid that what ever you are doing, is not to pressurise them or you are after his life. If they are somewhere wrong, we need to guide them. always show your support, when kid wants to achieve something good, no matter how time taking or difficult it is.

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What’s one thing that your parents taught you while you were young that you will not teach to your kids?

Just made my mind to reply on Quora and found this question. I was stopped by and started thinking !!

Obviously, when it comes to parenting, everything seems right in the name of, whatever we are doing is in good interest of our kids, forgetting the fact that whatever experiments we are doing on them, may it be on living life, clothing, studies or so on, sometimes becomes so late to balance the repercussions. Yes, these are experiments because no one can take guarantee of its result lifetime.

I think, every habit or behaviour related to your kids, is been regulated, with a key called “Approach”. Willingly or unwillingly, we transfer our though process, what reaches them as learnt behaviour, and becomes their personality one day.

As a middle class family from rural India, while my parents were only educated people in whole community, they wanted us to make an escape from that orthodox world. We were bounded to do some great in studies, as were not having any option, that was obligation, realising the only way to get rid of that life style and people with narrow thinking, which could not be explained.

We three siblings, when were in school, given a scoring target in final exam, and were rewarded with whatever gift we wanted. School was over and somehow those gifts were no more attracting us, so we started dreaming about our life. For me, if I would go to some metro city and be self dependent, I would find a society of my dreams, where every thing starts and ends with a positive note. For my sister, her only passion of life was dresses, and for my youngest brother, life was roaming around cakes and travelling. In short, we would get a magical stick, and moving that we shall get, what we expect. Since then we started working hard to achieve the peak of our careers.

When I try to look back, people are still on same chapters, whatever society is it !! We kept moving and achieved every goal, all set targets. And when we looked forward expecting that magical part to be done, nothing changed !! We found the society even worse, as we are moving forward towards so called high class. Concerns are changing, but there is no day, which is called perfect, because if one problem is solved, other worries pop up !!

It might be easy for me to say all this, because who kept suffering but protected us from all devilish things, were our parents !! They gave us a protective shade, where nothing bad could impact us !! I regard them, for what ever they taught us, so as to approach happy life. And what I mentioned above “that magical part”, they are no where wrong, because they also didn’t see that world, what we were dreaming about !!

But when I am a mother, I would never tell my girl something like “magic”. Nothing changes, other than you !! If you want to grow happy, it will not come our way, you will have to hunt that happiness, living in same society, marking it should not take shape of sacrifices. Else we need to make our own world, where only person is you !!

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Deepti !!

 

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What gives you happiness?

Last year we planned so many trips, but had to cancel them every time for some or the other reasons. I believe, if something is not going on the way, even after putting all efforts, let it go with time and let time decide it’s destiny. I also didn’t keep any grudges what couldn’t be possible and kept flowing with routine life.

We try to plan every moment, forgetting that, “time” is supreme authority. And rather than planning our life, we start controlling over !! We always create a perception about our happiness. But you never know, which small moment will create a life time memory.

So happened with me. A random ticket booking to Bangalore, from Delhi. Just a thought came and i started bag packing. Things were automatically arranged, i left all worries back, “how?? ” and yesterday morning reached Delhi airport with my toddler !! She co operated well and it was my first air travel with her, when i had to handle her alone.

But today it became happiest moment of my life, watching her as a grown up girl, taking care of all her things, from her personal baggage to boarding pass, searching for her seat to maintain the decorum inside. I am cherishing her as my best companion wish you growing happiest girl ever !!

 

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With lots of love  !!

Deepti !!

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You look beautiful!!

She is 4 years new. She was not well for last 3-4 days. I was awoke with her whole night for last few days, she kept lying down in my lap, because she felt comfortable and protected there. Sometimes in the night I took short nap, thinking tomorrow afternoon I would take a nap, but couldn’t get !!

Today she was cured and was coming out of trap of Viral fever ! I couldn’t dare to take bath because of tiredness, so simply took out my ultra relaxing old clothes and dressed improperly. I heard Mamma !! I want to go to washroom. I was frustrated too !! Hey !! you don’t let me take rest for a while. I was asking you before but you denied!!

She was sitting on toilet seat . I was standing in front of her. She Said- Mamma! you are looking beautiful in this dress !! I still couldn’t digest and asked, What?? She repeated “You are looking beautiful in this dress, you should wear this kind of green dresses only..”

I stretched my eyebrows and she was smiling with innocence !! I started looking at mirror, A lady inside said, kids just try to hypnotise you with their sweet talks, it may not be true, That is a part of tantrum !! But a Mother’s soul dominated everything. I was smiling at the mirror with a belief “I am actually looking beautiful, what I never looked so”

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With love

Your MMM !!

Deepti !!

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Hidden messages !!

I got some messages. I opened them and started replying personally  🙂

I wrote a complete paragraph, words were coming out smoothly and kept filling page on page. Some words were driven by anger, some with love, some with being grateful, and some carried sorrow.  Was this just a reply, or ill heart wanted to make complaints, to fight, and break up all boundaries, I questioned, so it got upset and erased everything written. They have commented what they had to, but I was still loaded with my replies. My words will remain with me for ever, because now I don’t want to take them out in terms of explanation.

As simple what every time happens with me. Neither I want to blame nor to highlight. It is because, I pour my soul here, I scream loud utilising the space,thinking it is so big, that my voice will become void, and no one can hear me !!

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In love

Deepti !!

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Most Awaited !!

Neither You are harsh, nor you are cruel to any one. You Kept all your empathies with people at time and place. You were honoured having sweetest tongue”. You might be a dream come true for all man and woman, while taking it to work place.

Every one saw a leader in you and they themselves surrendered their minds to be driven under your professional efficiency and intellectual brain. Friends, Whom you have denied to take company of, are today admiring you, looking a full fledged professional in you.

The day has come when professionalism is holding you on zenith. People are congratulating you, on your success. And even you are awaiting for “some, the Most”. But  you have forgotten in order to “most awaited ” you have left one weak soul far behind, which kept waiting for you. And will never come back again !!

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In love

Deepti !!

 

 

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In memory of beloved Snowbell !!

It was the day when we went for dinner. As we reached early so thought to just walk through a pet shop nearby. We started watching aquarium, some extra ordinary coloured fishes were available there. We were mesmerised to see them in beautifully made aquarium. Suddenly my daughter ran downstairs, and hubby followed her to catch.

He called my name, and asked me to come down. See he is having beautiful pets here!! I reached and found 3-4 varieties of cats, dogs, rabbits and birds. As I am a weak soul, while see such innocent pets. I lost my heart on cats !!! My daughter caught my vibes and picked one kitten in hand !! A golden coloured Persian kitten. She was behaving unusual, and became stubborn to take that cat home. As that kitten was so small to be handled other than his mother, we were asked to wait for some time, till it was on mother’s feed!!

We kept waiting for breeder’s call, and finally one day we were allowed to bring him home happily !!

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With love

Deepti !!

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A mother’s soul

Every time I was challenged professionally !!
When I didn’t accept, I was coward and unskilled !!
When accepted, i was declared “looser” on the basis of apple and orange’s comparision !!!
But nothing botheres me, because I know, in my life a mother’s soul is winning all the battles.
Today also I quit, again motherhood overlapped my world !!
Pitty those hearts, which could never realise this zest !!

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Deepti !!

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