I was feeling very lethargic and morose. my husband planned to go somewhere out, so that my mood could be changed. Whole week we remain so busy, we only get time to make complaints with life,”what it has given us what not”. But a day comes where you leave all complaints behind, and get relaxed.This relaxing day does mean a lot of thought process for me. Whenever and wherever I go ..Lots of my friends “thoughts” come in my mind and blow me with their warm breeze, which sometimes give me a feeling of happiness, anger,sorrow and lots of mixed emotions.
As always this sunday was also a evaluation day for me. With lots of guilty feelings I stood up and dressed up with my new soot what I have recently get stitched. Kajal and lipstick always change my nervous thoughts, by acting like a cool splash and change my melancholic feeling into optimistic one.
Nowadays the only thing i am concerned for is “me”. Because if you want to give support to someone first of all you need to strengthen yourself. I was debating with my brain with lots of arguments and cross talks. With this all I was driving the car and finally reached Delhi.
I went to meet one of my relative. He is at an age of around 85. Whenever i suffer from sick thoughts, whenever I start to hate my self ..I go to him. He makes me realize that what emptiness is called, what he feels now, when lots of his closest are not there in world. He makes me realize that how beautiful my life is because I am capable to do what i wish to. He gives me the warmth feeling as I am standing in an open ground with no limitations and rain in terms of his blessings is showering me, pampering me..I remember 2-3 days before my marriage he called me and gave me a pen and a silver spoon. He used to write articles and axis bank has honoured him with award, which was his life time achievement. He started to cry and said I am not able to attend your marriage so forgive me but I would like to see you as a bride. So come again after marriage. I went to meet him after marriage. His pious and sacred heart started to melt. He was repenting for everything what he could not do in his life. He introduced me with lots of his mistakes he did,which has taken a shape of experience now. He warned me not to repeat those mistakes. I realized that those instances were killing him every moment, and no doctor can help him out to overcome. It is he, who still has a positive attitude towards life, which is making his thinking like a paradise.
Today again, an envelope, he has handed me over. Saying that, i could not make coronal of dry fruits to give you, what my parents used to give me on baishakhi. He inspires me when he keep on writing, hardly matters he can not sit properly because of bed souls, his eye site is getting blurred, he take only 100 gm liquid diet through meal pipe and lots of such circumstances where one start to accept that life tank is blinking and it could get empty any time……..
He is an inspiration for me..Who gives me a lesson that keep on moving on the way you want to…Do not think how..Just move on by solving every puzzle and analysing every critics.
We were coming back from Delhi. My husband asked me to stop at a refilling station. We stopped there. The red blinking signal in my car has stopped to blink and streight lines has filled all the gap. I was still thinking that why can’t we add some more numbers in age?? the day we would be able to do so…we will called real mathematicians…why can’t we bring one life back when it passes away…If we would..then we will be called real doctors??Why??????Why we don’t have an option to refill the life??????